"Stop Judging!"
Post on: May 30, 2019
A budding executive sat on the airport lounge waiting for her plane. Since she had lots of time, she took out a book to read together with a packet of her favourite cookies. She was captivated by the story and was totally immersed in it while munching her cookies. What a splendid way to while away!
Suddenly she was jolted by the sight of an old man taking her biscuits. She was flabbergasted. She felt indignant that someone had the audacity to take it without even asking!
She carried on eating and was annoyed when the elderly man kept on taking the cookies meant for her. He was emboldened as he ate them one by one. By now she was fuming mad! The only reason that prevented a confrontation was the old man’s age.
Soon, it came to the last cookie. She noticed the old man was about to eat it. She gave him a hard stare. He reciprocated with a toothless grin and broke the last piece into half and ate his share, leaving hers in the packet.
This was the last straw. She felt so outraged that she stormed out of her seat. While in the plane, she needed to take a pen from her handbag so as write her journal. She was shocked to see her packet of cookies in her handbag – intact!
Her resentment towards the old man turned to compassion and guilt. She could not forgive herself for treating the kind old man with contempt.
We tend to judge others and are critical of them, taking a holier-than-thou stance as we go about our daily activities. The story shows how a disgusting old man suddenly became a considerate one when the truth surfaced.
5 Reasons why we should not judge:
1. Our judgement may be flawed –
There are instances whereby we jumped into conclusion by merely making inferences from our perspective. For example, at a supermarket, we witness a 5-year-old boy throwing a tantrum and kicking his mother while screaming at the top of his lungs. We tend to judge the mother and deemed her a failure for poor upbringing, without realising that there may be more to it than meets the eye.
2. We can’t appreciate what others are going through if we are myopic in our view –
By taking the above supermarket example, what if she is your personal friend and you know the reason behind the incident at the supermarket? — you will feel pity for her for handling a son with a “special needs” while struggling to manage the household groceries and at the same time, taking care of a parent who is bedridden.
3. What we focus on, festers on in our mind —
When we emphasise on someone’s shortcomings, however small it may be, it soon amplifies. We will eventually perceive it as a big flaw in the person.
4. Live and let live –
We cannot assume that everyone lives up to the high standard we set for ourselves. Who are we to impose our views on others? In my travels, I’ve noticed that in some cultures, people are very polite and thanked me earnestly whenever I do them a favour. Conversely, in another society, I am not appreciated for the same help I render. The locals take it as a norm to help others — which warrants no outward appreciation. Experience has taught me to be cool in both scenarios — tolerance and understanding is the keyword.
5. Do not judge a book by its cover –
An idiom which we are familiar and one which resonates so deeply — we should not form an opinion on someone based on what is seen on the surface. When we dwell further into the subject, it may be totally different from what was expected.
Oftentimes we may have heard this phrase but fail to internalise the positive aspect of it — someone who is happy is always examining his faults and improving them. On the other hand, someone who is unhappy is always examining others and judging them.
By Shaji Thomas Varughese
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